Spring Break

I think I need to just chill out and Spring Break is well deserved. I have been under so much pressure and stress lately that I feel like I'm going to burst. I have a bunch of anger built up inside of me and I know I have blown up on a few people. Some deserved it, some didn't. I think a week to just cool down would be in my benefit. I'm going to hang out with my friends and to do whatever for a week straight.

Chelsea and I have planned out a few things that we want to do over break. Since we aren't going to Florida like everyone else in Owensboro we decided that we ill have to go to Red Lobster sometime during that week and have shrimp so we can pretend like we are there. We are also going to take a few road trips to Bowling Green and Evansville where we will probably shop until we have no money left. Of course we will be going to Taco Bell periodically because that is what we always do, but we have a bunch of other stuff planned to.

I'm sure I will probably hang out with Brittany also. I don't know if she is going to be here, but if she is we will probably do something random. We have fun when all we are doing is sitting in the floor watching a random movie or even laying in my car with the music on.

Ginger will probably want to play basketball all week if she doesn't end up going to Florida so I'm sure Legion park will be in my future also.

I'm really excited about break this year. Even though I'm not going anywhere and I am doing absolutely nothing, I know I will have fun. Doing nothing is just fine with me as long as I have my friends here to do nothing with.

Senior Friends

Wow. The school year is almost over. I have become friends with a few seniors this year and I know I am going to miss them so much. They are pretty close friends and it is going to be hard coming to school and realizing that they don't go to Apollo anymore. I hope that when they go off to college they don't forget us back here at the high school. One of my closest friends is a senior and she will be going to college next year. Fortunately she isn't going very far, but it will still be weird not having her here. The Seniors leaving is also a plus though. It means that the Juniors move up. I am going to be a Senior next year and that is a scary thought. I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to go. Next year is going to be a crazy time for me. I will have to figure out how to be on my own and a bunch of decisions are going to have to be made. I know it is going to be stressful because my friends that are seniors this year are freaking out about it every day. I'm scared to become a step closer to being an adult. I think I act mature, but really I don't want to grow up. I love having no responsibility, but it is time to get a little older and a little more mature.

My Best Friend

Okay so, I have a lot of built up anger inside of me at the moment and I'm going to let it out right now. Brittany is my best friend. I have only known her for a few months, but we are so close that you would think that we had know each other all our lives. I share everything with her even stuff that I'm afraid to tell my family. If something goes wrong in my life she is the first person that I call. She helps me get through everything and I don't think people understand that. We spend a lot of time together especially on the weekends. It's weird if we don't see each other every day. We aren't dependent on each other so I don't view it as a bad friendship, but other people do.

I have other friends telling me that she is a bad influence on me, but they don't know her like I do. They think they know what they are talking about, but they don't. They only get to hear my side of the story so of course she seems like a bad person. When I want to complain about something that is all they hear. They don't get to hear about the stuff that I say or do that was also wrong. We are both at fault, but they don't see that. I make my own decisions and I can be friends with whoever I want to be friends with. How can a friendship be bad for you? I guess that is what I just don't understand. How can someone who is always there for you and who cares about you so much be a bad thing? I don't get it.

Everyone tells me to get away. That I am just hurting myself. I know we get in our fights, but we always work it out. There is never a relationship that is perfect and without a few disagreements. We fight, but we work it out. I would do anything for her as well as many of my other friends. I think they are afraid that I am being take advantage of. I know I do a little too much for people sometimes, but I just don't like to upset people. I know people do take advantage of the situation sometimes, but it doesn't always bother me because sooner or later they return the favor.

My friends say that they are just afraid for me. They think that when I am off on my own without my best friend that I am not going to be able to handle it. They think that it will tear me apart. I'm not going to lie, it probably will mess me up for a while, but I will get over it eventually. If she's a real friend she will still be there when we are both off at college. If I don't see some people after high school then I will learn to get over. I will move on. I'm not dependent on people like some people think I am. I think for myself and make all my own decisions. I wish everyone could see that. I wish they could see things the way I see them, but apparently my perspective is wrong.

Glow In the Dark Nails

My weekends always consist of hanging out with my closest friends and usually staying over at Kelsey's house at least once. Saturday night we had a lot of fun playing basketball over on the 12 and under court at Legion park. Ginger had a few friends with her that played basketball for Muhlenburg County so we decided to play a game of 3 on 3. Pretty much everyone played basketball except for Brittany so we didn't really think about how we were playing. That turned out to be bad. Whitney drove to the basket and launched the ball back out when she realized that she couldn't get her shot off. The ball flew through the air and instead of landing in Brittany's hands it hit her square in the face. We all fell to the ground laughing and couldn't gather our composure for a good 5 minutes. She was embarrassed and I feel bad for laughing, but it was just too funny. After we were done playing ball we headed out for Kelsey's house.

We went straight up to her room and sat on her bed talking when ginger called. Apparently she hadn't had enough of us because she wanted to hang out some more. We told her to come on over, but to be careful because Kelsey's little brother was being annoying and destroying everything. She finally got to the house and Kelsey was painting her nails. As most people know, Ginger and I aren't the girliest of girls and rarely paint our finger nails. I don't know what came over us, but we decided to paint our nails a neon green kind of color. After Carol painted our nails and criticized how we bit them uncontrollably, Kelsey showed us a glow in the dark polish that she had. We both got really excited because glow in the dark stuff is just amazing. We put it on and held our hand up to the light for about 5 minutes just to see the green glow after we turned the lamp off. I'm still very excited about my nails and I have showed everyone. It's really cool to look at them as I'm falling asleep in the dark. If you couldn't tell, I am easily amused.

Apologizing

I don't quite know what an apology even means to me. I feel like I don't get apologies enough from certain people. Sometimes all I need to hear is sorry and then everything will be okay. It makes me feel better to hear those two words, but it just isn't said enough in today's world. Either that or it isn't actually meant. That's a problem that I am having right now. I say sorry way too much. I feel like my apologies are just empty words. They don't hold any value even when I mean it the most.

I think the real problem is that I hate confrontation. If I am in an argument with someone I always end up saying I'm sorry just because I don't want them to be mad at me. I know this isn't the right thing to do, but I have the right intentions. I don't want anyone to feel bad or like everything is their fault, but sometimes other people need to say their sorry too.

Like I said, I never hear I'm Sorry. I just want those two little words to be said to me. I want the words to hold value. I don't want an empty promise. I want a genuine apology that is said because someone means it and not because they want the fight to be over.

Cup Stacking

Beta Club requires a lot of community service so that you can receive points that are critical for remaining in the club. You have to earn a certain number of points by the end of the year and if you don't you are kicked out. I, unfortunately, don't have as many points that I should have at the moment. I decided that I should probably sign up to volunteer for something or I might be on probation. Mrs. Jarboe presented an idea to us that seemed pretty cool at the time. She asked if anyone wanted to judge a cup stacking competition at Audubon Elementary. I thought it would be easy and fun to watch little kids stack cups. How hard could it be, I mean the kids were like 8 years old. Oh my how wrong that turned out. These kids take cup stacking very seriously and I never realized how intense that it was. I was afraid that I might mess up the judging so I was really nervous before going to the school. I had to wake up really early which had already put me in a bad mood and my head was killing me. Just so you know, the sound of cups clacking together does NOT help a headache. I watched these kids furiously stack cups for about 6 hours straight. Even after the competition, I still had the images and noises stuck in my head. I fell asleep thinking about cups and never again do I wish to see a special cup for stacking ever again.

The Month of March

March was always supposed to be my favorite month. It usually is. But this time it's different. I don't really understand why, but everything seems to be going downhill. My whole family pretty much has a birthday in March and March is when all of the basketball excitement comes around, but I'm finding it hard to get excited. My mom gave me some news on my birthday which just ruined everything. I couldn't even act happy because I was so upset. I'm not complaining or asking Why me? because I know that stuff happens to everyone. Everyone goes through things in their lives and you just have to deal with it. I think it's just a little weird how it all comes at once. I don't think there is ever an obstacle put in front of you that you don't have the ability to overcome. It seems hard at the time, but eventually it will go away. At least, you can only hope that it will. I guess things are getting better. They seem to be getting better for everyone else so that's a plus. I'm just afraid that it is a temporary fix. You never know when bad things might come back. That's what I am scared will happen. I just want all the bad things in the world to go away forever, but that can't happen. I think the bad stuff we go through just makes us stronger. I know that some of my experiences have made me realize how lucky I actually am. I complain all the time, but I have no reason to. My life could be way worse than it is. Compared to other people, I have a fantastic life. My best friend has really showed me that I take things for granted in my life. She talks to me all the time about what she goes through and I have realized that I have parents who truly care about me and are just worried all the time. I have a great life at home that some kids don't have. I guess it is time to look at the positive side and stop complaining. I will be stronger by the end of it all.

First Drive

The first time I ever sat behind the wheel and actually put a car in motion was when I was 14. My dad decided I could drive up our driveway after some continuous begging on my part. I sat behind the wheel and looked at the dark road ahead of me. I could barely see over the steering wheel, but I refused to inform my dad of any uncertainties that I had. I actually had no clue which pedal was the gas and which was the break, but I didn't want to let my dad know that I was that incompetent. Looking back I definitely should have asked some questions because the series of events that followed will scar me for life. My first mistake was putting the car in reverse rather than drive. We started rolling backwards. My dad yelled at me to hit the brake. Of course that would be the logical thing to do if I knew where the brake was. Instead I stomped on the gas and the car sped backwards towards a tree. I was able to stop the car before we hit anything, but we came inches close to a tree followed by a very steep hill. I was so scared that I didn't even want to drive the rest of the way to the house. He made me do it anyway and we jerkily made our way home safe and sound.